When I was pregnant with my second child, I wondered as I think most second-time parents do about how my firstborn would react to having a sibling. Will he be jealous or welcoming? Will he regress? How will I cope if he feels resentful?
My husband and I did all that we knew to do to prepare our firstborn son, who had just turned 3 years old. We talked about the new baby. We read books to our son about new baby siblings. I bought him a baby doll so he would have a new baby, too.
My son didn't seem interested in holding or kissing or hugging his new baby sister. I never pressured him to do so. It wasn't in anybody's best interest to force this new baby on to him or to try to force him to love her.
As we know, new babies need a lot of attention: holding, nursing, changing, and admiring. Friends and relatives came bearing gifts and food and cooing over the baby.
My husband was able to take leave from his job for a time after our daughter was born, so he was able to spend a lot of extra time with our toddler son while I was caring for the baby. All families and family circumstances are different, but arranging for extra help in the first few weeks after the birth of a baby can greatly lessen stress on a new mother and help the rest of the family adjust to the changing dynamics that come with adding another family member.
My baby was about 1 week old when I found an opportunity to spend one-on-one time with her brother. My son was so excited! We had a lot of silly play and laughing.
Somewhere in the middle of a game, my son gleefully threw his shoe across the room. I calmly reminded him to keep his shoes on the floor. At this, he began sobbing. I was surprised but sensed that his outburst was about more than about the shoe.
I pulled him into my lap and asked him, "It's hard having a baby here, isn't it?" He nodded and sobbed.
"It's hard to see me carrying her everywhere," I continued.
"Yes!" he cried. "You should be carrying me around, too!"
This incident inspired me to continue to having one-on-one time with my son. After my husband's family leave, I tried to spend some time each day playing with my son while the baby slept. We played whatever he wanted to play. I followed his rules and let him lead.
As the baby grew, sometimes I would have one-on-one lunch with my son on the weekends. Sometimes we would go to the playground or find other fun things to do together.
I enjoyed spending time with my son and looked forward to it, even on the busiest of days. I have so many memories of these times spent together and our conversations.
Plus, I think the time that I spent with my son during his sister's baby years has helped them to form their own close relationship. Together time has helped our whole family feel closer to one another.
Where in your day do you squeeze in play time with your child?
